Hope is dwindling

I could hardly sleep last night, being so excited about what today had in store for us. I couldn't help but think about how neat it will be to finally be able to move to the next step in our IVF journey. After all, we began this whole thing back in late August. We got derailed because I had some pretty bad endometriosis and endometriomas that needed to be put in check with bcp to help them resolve on their own before we could proceed. Then came my sonohystogram in September to reveal that I had an unidentifialable mass that had grown considerably in my pelvic region. He wasn't sure if the mass was on/in my ovary, fallopian tube, or both. But hey, at least my uterus looked healthy. I had surgery performed on Oct. 1st, and had to have one of my fallopian tubes removed, in order to get rid of the mass. Biopsy came out clean. (Thank God!) So I was told to stay on the bcp for another month or two in order to heal and to keep another endometrioma from growing on that same overy again. Ok, done. We can do that. After all, we had a Christmas vacation coming up that we didn't want interfered with anyway.
After speaking with the nurse on Tuesday, it seemed as though we were finally getting the green light to move foward. Exciting!! Today was meant to be nothing more than a routine ultrasound to check follicle growth on my ovaries, blood work to check estrogen levels, and get our personal calendar of events. (i.e., schedule of hormone injections, amounts of said hormones, blood work, antibiotic treatments, etc.) But nooooo....it couldn't be that easy for me. Instead upon said routine ultrasound, it turns out that I have 3 large ovarian cysts, which would require me to wait another 2 weeks on bcp to see if they go away on their own first before we can proceed. Ok. Disapppointing, but I can handle another 2 weeks. But then the nurse tells us that the doctor wants to do another sonohystogram today. Ok. He does that (which let me tell you, is not comfortable at all), and he finds some sort of strange growth in my uterus. He tells me that I must have surgery next week to have it removed and for him to get a better look at what it is. He also is going to remove the cysts at the same time. This means I stay on bcp, we have no idea of when I can finally proceed with IVF. I also ask him today based on my age and my ongoing reproductive health issues what my chances of success will be. He does not answer; but instead gives vague answer. Don't get me wrong...I like this guy. He's smart, capable, and very professional. But when the nurse looks at me with nothing short of pity in her eyes, I know it's not looking good. I tried my hardest to not break down and cry in the exam room; and would have if it were not for my husband sitting there, trying his best to give me a pep talk.
For the couples out there that are blessed enough to be able to just make love and produce a baby out of that moment together...you are lucky beyond measure. You would have no idea what this feels like for me physically, emotionally, mentally, spritually, and for us both financially. Be thankful.