The cards we've been dealt

After receiving the news a week ago, there has been many tears shed, days filled with anger due to the unfairness, and everything in between. After the news last Tuesday, Jeff and I booked a trip that very night to get out of town to Las Vegas. We knew that we simply could not sit around the house, looking at the walls. We needed to go somewhere where we could be isolated in our own private cacoon, yet surrounded by noise and other distractions. So off we went on Wednesday morning....and it was exactly what we needed. We spent more time than probably ever has in their suite while in a vibrant city like Las Vegas, but it worked for us. We were able to talk at great lengths about "what now?". Jeff listened ever so patiently as I ranted and raved like a lunatic at God, the universe, my doctor, my body. He held me when I couldn't control my sobbing. He rubbed my back while I tried to stop shaking while having panic attacks. He was everything and more that a partner could ask for. He even provided some retail therapy at Louis Vouitton; but understood completely that it was no consolation prize for what's happened. But the point is that after a week of feeling devastated, we know that our marriage is rock solid as partners and friends. We know we can get through anything. And we allowed ourselves the time needed to really feel every emotion that we need to feel to get through this grieving process. We also understand that the grieving is going to take some more time...but at least I got to the point where as of last night, I was able to say to Jeff that if the RE tells us at our appt this morning that I would qualify to use an egg donor, I would. I can't imagine us giving up on having a family. And even though I would not share the same DNA as the child, I would experience the joy of pregnancy and breast feeding. And most importantly, Jeff would be genetically linked to the child! So off we went to the RE's office this morning, expecting the worst, but hoping for some sort of good news about the egg donor program. And as we expected, the RE let me know that I have in fact no ovarian function, and that there is no remedy to fix it. My poor reproductive system has been so beaten up with a total of 5 surgeries, and an additional in-office procedure...they just can't go any more. But good news!!! He let us know that I would make for a very good candidate for using a donor egg!!! In fact, the chances of it producing a successful pregnancy and live birth far exceed the chances we would have ever had if we had been able to get some of my own eggs. We let him know that we plan to do this, but that for now we need more time to grieve and to take a break for a while. He completely advocates us doing just that. He also suggested we take a nice, long vacation and then come back to see him so that we can get started. I am actually feeling excited! And hopeful again. It feels good.