Good and bad news today. Good news: We got word today that our donor passed the genetics screening just fine. She is not a carrier for Cleft Palate, nor any other genetic disease. Hooray! After that news, we felt like we were finally on the home stretch, and were looking very much forward to beginning the medication protocol on Saturday. But after we got home this evening from dinner, we had a not so pleasant email from our attorney, letting us know that the donor is asking for an addendum to our contract; one that paints us into a very ugly corner. I don't know what to do. Here's the deal: whenever a couple is using an egg donor, the decision must be made prior to beginning the cycle what to do with any unused embryos. You can decide 3 options: 1) discard them 2) donate them to science 3) donate them to another anonymous infertile couple We chose option #3. It not only seems like the right thing to do (kinda paying it forward, and allowing another couple out there the chance to create a family that can't afford their own IVF cycle and egg donor). Option #2 seems wrong to me because you're basically allowing scientists to cut apart embryos, which leads me into why I dislike option #1 so much: it's murder in my eyes. It's no better than committing a mass abortion. There could very reasonably be 25 unused embryos leftover....would you have the heart to abort than many unborn children? I know I don't. And I can't possibly lay my head down on my pillow at night, asking God to forgive me for being so selfish in creating our family and discarding the rest. But unfortanetly, the donor holds the cards in this decision. And I don't know how to fix this. It's not like we can choose to just replace her with someone else at this point. Not only have we already invested A LOT of money in using this donor, but emotionally I don't think I could handle another long setback in finding another donor. So I really don't know what to do. And our attorney is waiting on us to sign this addendum so that we can proceed. The only other option is to keep any unused embryos in "storage" indefinately, until the day we both die. But the fees for keeping the embryos frozen for that many decades would basically eat up any college money we could ever set aside for our children.
I just don't know what to do.
(this is an opinionated comment )Roxy, rest your weary little mind, if it's the donor's decision it is out of your control and hands. Your not being selfish and this is probably something that you shouldn't even have been told about if it's not in your control to make the decision. Granted I have no idea of how "deep it goes" legally...and I absolutely 100% agree with your choice if it was yours. (my opinion still) don't turn away your opportunity to have a family #1 you don't know what she has planned yet...#2 these embryos are not a viable life yet (remember 3 miscarriages here). Think about this...your last post....would you reject an egg that would have been positive for the cleft palate? Yes ? No? It's along the same lines....They discard embryos that have a possiblity of carrying a disablity...there is no difference if you wanna look at it as "life". Rest your mind for the things that you can't fix....and cut yourself a break :) you deserve this!
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