more waiting, more anxiety

I got a call from Emily (our RE's egg donor coordinator) last week, to let us know that our donor passed the remaining blood tests just fine, along with her psychological screening. Her genetics screening came back fine, too. So I thought we were smooth sailing into our scheduled June cycle. But it turns out that when the donor met with the geneticist, it was told by the donor that she has an aunt on her paternal side that was born with a "severe" cleft palate, as was that woman's daughter (mild, apparently). So even though she passed the genetic blood work for the other more routine things, the geneticist is recommending that she get specialized blood work done to see if she carries the gene for cleft palate. If she does, Jeff will have to get tested as well. Apparently, getting tested for this type of gene is quite costly, too, unlike the more routine genetics testing. And more importantly, it's added an extra element of worry and time wasting. I have yet to hear back about this matter, and this was a week ago. I am assuming it will turn out ok. Jeff seems to feel (as do his parents, as he conveyed to me) that it's not a big deal, even if we had children born with a cleft palate. That surgery to repair it is "no big deal". I am disagreeing with that statement. Afterall, shouldn't we want to have the most healthy of children as possible, and avoid at all costs having to subject our infant children to painful reconstructive surgery? Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself anyway, and the donor will come back free and clear of this particular gene. Or Jeff could be found to not be a carrier, and the chances would be so slim that it wouldn't matter. It's just the extra layer of waiting and anxiety that's really getting to me.
To add to the anxiety this past week, there was a birth in the family. I am so amazingly happy for this couple. But the painful reminder it brings me of far we must go to have our arms full with a child is just feeling too much to bear. The depression has really been getting to me, and I find myself needing to step away from the rest of the world for now. I think it would help immensly if only our families would be willing to talk about the journey we are on. My family certainly doesn't...anything uncomfortable makes them prefer to act like it doesn't exist. It only adds to feelings of isolation of infertility. Thank God for my blog.